yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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