3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
