remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
