I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
