i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
