there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
