I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
