i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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