The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
