I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
