What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
