I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
