oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
