first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
