He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
