i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
