The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
