..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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