Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
