Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
