Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
