At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my being single is dangerous.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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