"it" just moved
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
