if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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