sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
