It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
