i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
