Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
