he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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