the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
