Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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