Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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