you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
