ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
