I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
