i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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