If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
