i just wanna soil my oats bro
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Randomize
