guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
