bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
