I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
