problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
