When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
