Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
