so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
