Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
