I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
