I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
