So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
