Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
