What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
