Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am spending my child support on dildos
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
