I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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