If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
